Live in the Delirious Cool: a semi-extended hiatus

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Jewelry I have melted

Well, this is NOT the first. I was so proud that I had accomplished a gold and ruby hinge ring. The only problem is the ruby was slightly off center. So, I decided to twist it a bit, put in a little epoxy. Not good. So I thought I could re solder the base with the ruby in place. It should work, in practice. a ruby can take heat, right? Yeah, if it IS a ruby. So I managed to align the ruby, but the 'ruby' turned white! Whaaa the....?? Indian die?????

So much for the bargain bin from India at the Gem and Mineral show. When I took it back to show the dealer he sort of smirked....like, what was I expecting, a REAL ruby for $30 ??

so now that i"m 50, I need to change the name

Yes, I haven't been posting, as real life has interrupted my fantasy life. Damn. I hate it when I actually have to WORK for a living. Alas, we are not rich or fortunate enough to be there , yet.

So here is what I have learned from turning 50 this year.

1. Being 50 isn't nearly as bad as ALMOST being 50

2. 50 is the new 30 ( I know, wishful thinking )

3. Life happens faster the older you get. Best notice it now.

4. Looking good at 50 is somewhat harder.

5. If I knew what I know now at age 20, I probably would have bypassed a few boyfriends, but hey, who cares.

6. I can run faster now than when I was 20. Go figure.

7. I getting meaner and meaner.

8. Losing sleep is a really bad idea.

9. Animals are my best friends

10. There is an enormous variation in how 50 manifests itself physically in men and women. Exercise is indeed the fountain of youth.


OK, so I'm thinking about renaming the blog...."stuff on my cat" ...no, already taken
"Why I wish I had married a plumber and other musings" or "Why I wish I had married a dentist and other pointless regrets" or " jewelry I've melted " .....you get the idea

The Mountain Goats

Just discovered this band from Scott's library picks. They have completely low tech, hand made recordings with wonderful lyrics and simple instrumentations. I'm smitten! And then I saw this photo of John Darnielle snuggling with a wombat and that secured the deal.

Wombat cuddle on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

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Spin class thugs

I would like to suggest that anyone who hoots and cheers during a spin class from euphoria SHOULD be slammed up against the wall!!

Wall Streeter Accused Of "Spin Rage", Broker Allegedly Assaulted Noisy Hedge Fund Exec At NYC Gym - CBS News

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60 is the new 40

That's what I'm talking about!

Aging Is Inevitable, but Boomers Put 'Old' on Hold - washingtonpost.com

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This is our local NM tree expert

It's excellent to have access to such wisdom and expertise when starting a high elevation orchard.

Convenient Truth Contest: The Man Who Planted Trees

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leaving Llano Largo and traveling back to Texas

So we had our last wonderful, vividly beautiful hike up to Indian Lake. I went to the farmers market and purchased chard ( icky, even though Sally, the farmer, said it was wonderful) , lettuce, garlic, and really WANTED to purchase some tarts. Boy did they looks luscious! I spent what felt like 24 hours getting the house ready for hibernation; serious cleaning, mopping, leak detecting, glass sweeping up, stain removing, wishing stains were being removed, unclogging drains, printing emails for my good friend and neighbor Rey.....generally reluctantly getting ready to leave. Alas. I did not want to leave, EVER. Even as I hear on talk radio( announced by the woman who built our house, Nancy Stapp) that roving gangster bandits have been holding up people in their houses in the area west of the Rio Grande bridge....I am non plussed. I don't care. I love it here. I love hearing the cows mooing as I awaken at 2 am, I love the river as a constant background to my sometimes anxious thoughts. I love the fierce possessiveness of those who grew up here without plumbing or electricity. I love the summer long landscape of daises and sunflowers and wild roses, which change ever so slightly as June turns to July to August. I love the tips of the apricot tree leaves that have an red orange waxy glow. I love the sounds of the plows baling hay, very late in the season because it's been a rainy spring. I love the magpies, the ravens, and the hawks that partake of the generous bounty of chokecherries, raspberries and currants, and the fearless rabbits that run down our driveway, growing bigger by the day, unaware of Walter and Ike's enthusiasm for rabbit on the hoof. It tears my heart to leave a place so beautiful and serene. I am happy here unlike any place I have ever lived. I ache to see the leaves turn in fall and await the first snow. In time, in time, this place will be ours to embrace throughout the seasons like the birds that take over the perennial nests of the barn swallows. We have nested in this wild and craggy nest, and it feels more like home that my actual endured time home does. It is majestic and wild and scary and untouchable. It is free and crazy and real and harsh, and I don't want to leave.

Evenings in the Stunningly Beautiful Llano Largo

Thing I accomplished on my summer vacation

1. Shooing a cow out of our field with a dish towel

2. Shooing 3 cows out of our field with a stick

3. Shooing one very stubborn cow by running toward it through the underbrush yelling"I want to eat you"

4. Swatting at a bat with a broom while encouraging it to fly outside the open window

5. Swatting at a bat with a broom while on the phone getting advice about how to remove a bat from your house

6. Swatting at a bat with a poorly constructed 'net' made from a Rayley's plastic sack and copper
wire

7. Swatting at aforementioned bat while two VERY excited orange boys help direct him toward the open window. Success!

So is it the depression or the implants that kill?

Breast implants linked with suicide in study - Yahoo! News

Seems to me that our culture has a LONG way to go for women to accept themselves as they are. Is it just me , or does the women's movement seem to have faded away ? Haven't we made any progress? Humfphh

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My PODCAST Ring, or what I made at Summer Camp

I know, it's wierd, but Penland encourages creativity! Yeah, yeah, yeah!! It's my organic 'podcast' ring made from enamel and sterling silver. The photo is rather unclear, but my camera was a hand me down. Thanks Dad! I'm not complaining. You just kind of need to see it live.

OK, I'm 50 now and it's not that different!

Turning 50 was a relief after spending the last couple of years reflecting, dreading, and reconciling my feelings. The actual day was pretty unremarkable except for my feeling pretty happy about the whole deal. Who would have thought? The body adapts to the mind and the mind adapts to the body. That evening the universe conjured up a stunning full moon and stars, reflected above La Jicarita peak. How nice to be reminded of what a great joy to be ensconced in nature.

My animals and my art continue to inspire and delight me. Archie ( Archibald Cox my maine coon boy ) has made two escapes into the wilds of the great outdoors. The kitties have learned to use the dog door for exiting, but not for re entry. Oops! Aretha was on the front porch yesterday and Archie was hiding under the porch. Good thing the coyotes were already at work ( or something) . During the time that I was slouching in my county courthouse chair listening to corrupt, lying neighborhood group leaders fight each other, my poor kitties were exposed to the outdoors! Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

On the subject of neighborhood politics, it seems that pay backs, bribes, power plays, insensitivity, name calling,and prejudice rule the system. What a disappointment. Why am I continually surprised? I guess I feel such a need for fairness, that I find it unbelievable that this sort of behavior can exist for years without some form of correction. When 'newcomers' try to get involved to straighten things out through logic and fairness, they are labeled insensitive to the 'local' way of doing things.They are called names, ostracized and despised for their education.They are feared for their ability to look up legal terms and laws, and they are pushed hard by the frozen hate of years of isolation. They are despised for their light skin and their new cars.They are sometimes threatened. Twenty years ago they would have had their house burned down. Now they are just stared at fiercely as they slowly drive down the community gravel roads, and they are talked about in Penasco foods. "That blond girl" and "that lady down the road that lives behind the Martinez's". You get the idea. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Not that everyone is like that. Many, many are not. In fact most of my Llano Largo neighbors are stunningly friendly and kind, welcoming and warm. Most of them are happy that we love this area as much as they do and love to share the beauty and the struggles that go along with this place. This rugged place of extreme beauty.

Another bad name for classical music!

Wash. city fights gangs with symphonies - Yahoo! News

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Scientists Spot Key Food Allergy Molecule - Forbes.com

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The Bicycling Paradox: Fit Doesn’t Have to Mean Thin - New York Times

Oscar the cat predicts patients' deaths - Yahoo! News

More photos from Taos area

Indian Lake trail....I found a wild turkey feather . Walter enjoyed rolling in cowpatties ( see previous post ) . It's hard to believe that there's still snow on the mountains.

July 4th Parade, aka It's Raining Hotdogs!!

The Taos News -


This was a dog's paradise! Hotdogs and ribs being thrown into the crowd! Whoo hoo!! Walter was in absolute heaven. He even happily sported a July 4th lei .

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the annual dog bath

Here in the mountains, where I am fortunate enough to spend my summers, the various stinky animal wastes lie deep. Yesterday as we hiked up to Indian Lake, a stunning trail that eventually leads to La Jicarita, there were fresh piles of cow poop. Nicely moist and glowing in the sun. Not that I was noticing...it was Walter. He reveled in the poops by rubbing, rolling, scratching , tasting...and eventually covering himself with green grassy poop. By the time we got back to the car, his usually black fur was matted with grassy tangles of poop. He shook and poop flew off....

So...this called for the annual bath. Yes, we love our pets deeply, but can't summon the mutual strength to bathe them except in dire situations , like the aforementioned.

Enamel Class at the Penland School, ie Nickle and Dimed at Penland

Mostly, being here at the Penland School is like a dream.Our first day was yesterday and we started right out with SAFETY !! Whoo hoo, good stuff alright. No smoking by the gas tanks and further hilarious and noteworthy tidbits . We then were allowed to begin work. Enameling, cutting copper, sawing, and most importantly, BUYING STUFF we didn't bring with us on the terrorist obsessed airlines, including optiviser, wax lube, solder, fine silver, gemstones , chasing tools, and other terrorist related tools. Penland knows how to nickle and dime you once you're captive here. Since the school provided NOTHING to work with, you get to bring it or buy it. The ladies at the school store are becoming very familiar if not soft of catty. No, you can't look at the silver...no we don't have that...no credit..blah, blah...

Now, don't get me wrong.This is a WONDERFUL experience and full of acceptance , creativity, support, community..it's just run on a shoestring.A fat dimply, young tattooed shoestring. I'll tantra to that! Yeah!

PS, as I write this I am sitting in a row of rocking chairs. All of us have laptops and are typing vigorously. None of us are looking at the spectacular view.

Monkeys stealing drinks from tourists

pretty obvious connections here



Don't Monkey Around With Alcohol

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Craft and the Penland School

Craft In America / Documentary Series



One of the most exciting things I have done in the last two years is awaken my creativity. I think it all started with the Artist's Way, a workshop I took at Seton Cove, based on Julia Cameron's book on exploring life as art, and art as life. That was my first toe dipping into the pond of the imagination, and allowing myself to be creative
(after MANY dead years of self imposed right brain thinking). Since then I have explored sewing, painting, composing, metalsmithing, sculpture, and jewelry making. What has given me the most intrigue and excitement is jewelry. It is a magical blend of art, craft , and design, plus the added on bonus of getting to WEAR the piece when it is finished.

Here is some of my work, poised on a gardenia from my friend Jeff's front yard.

The above link is about a documentary on PBS which features the Penland School of Crafts where I am lucky enough to get to take a two week class in June on enameling and metal work .

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Walmart continues to irritate me

Wake-Up Wal-Mart: The Real Wal-Mart Facts

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jewelry I wish I had made

What a stunning idea to combine timeless poetry with wearable art.So beautiful.



Connie Bracelet by Jeanine Payer

For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been entrusted to us, the ultimate task, the final test and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation." Rainer Maria Rilke

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jewelry workshops

Craft Guild of Dallas

Specialty Jewelry Workshops

with

Master Guest Artists- Ronda Coryell & Vasken Tanielian



The Craft Guild of Dallas is excited to announce our lineup of guest artists in jewelry during the month of June, 2007. We’re offering eight specialty workshops -- all designed to take your work to a whole new level! Join Ronda Coryell and Vasken Tanielian, from the Revere Academy of Jewelry Arts, for this unprecedented opportunity to learn from "the masters" at The Guild!



5038 Fri-Sun, June 1-3 Chasing & Repousse

5039 A* Mon–Tues, June 4-5 Cold Connections

5040 Thur–Fri, June 7-8 Tube Clasp, Brooches, Clips and More

5041 Sat–Mon, June 9 – 11 Fabrication: Refine Your Skills

5039 B* Wed–Thurs, June 13-14 Cold Connections (repeated)

5042 Fri– Mon, June 15 – 18 Precision Fabrication

(no class on Father’s Day - Sun, June 17)

5043 Tue-Thurs, June 19-21 Fabrication: Hinges…& More Hinges

5044 Fri– Sun, June 22 – 24 Fabrication: Advanced Techniques



Sign up for the complete series, or just a few of the workshops!

2-Day Workshops: $250

3-Day Workshops: $375

Register for series of 6 (5039 A or B through 5044): $1,600

(20% discount - $400 value)

LIMITED SEATING! CALL TODAY TO RESERVE YOUR SPOT!

Jeanine Payer - Palmer Cuff

May the sun bring you new energy by day, May the moon softly restore you by night, May the rain wash away your worries. May the breeze blow new strength into your being. May you walk gently through the world and know its beauty all the days of your life. Apache Blessing."

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And now for the perfect bath wash!

ThinkGeek :: Shower Shock Caffeinated Body Wash

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the news we've been waiting for

Fruity cocktails count as health food, study finds - Yahoo! News

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one magnificant cat

Yahoo! Image Detail for www.verismocat.com/images/leo/flowers_t.jpg

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SportsGeezer: Strenuous Exercise Reduces Breast Cancer Risk

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I want an orangutan

At the Zoo on Yahoo! News Photos

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Strong exercise may cut breast cancer risk - Yahoo! News

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How The Brain Rewires Itself -- Friday, Jan. 19, 2007 -- Printout -- TIME

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The hunt for a new kitty

So after my beloved Nellie died, I have been in a tailspin, sort of lost and free fall. I know it seems goofy to feel that way about a cat, but she was my family, ragged as it was and is.
I woke up one morning and thought "Maine Coon cat"! Yeah! I'm gonna get me one of those. And then the obsession began. Hours of research on the breed, cat fancy articles, emailing breeders to find out if they have kittens. KITTENS!

There is always the anticipated link to click to see if...if...they have...do they?????...YES! WOO HOO!! Then you get a tasty tiny photo ( well from the classy breeders anyway) of the kittens looking cuter than your dead cat ( sorry Nell ) and you're hooked. Add to basket. Can you believe there are people selling cats with shopping carts tied to paypal? Yikes.

I could fly up there to Oklahoma city and buy a cat carrier, bring her back under the seat for oh, less than $400. Add that to the kitten fee of $500 and wheeeeeee...kitties....wheeee....

So the above pictured Becky kitty is available , $500, from a breeder in Oklahoma. She's ready to go at 8 weeks. 8 weeks? All of the reputible breeders let their kitties leave at 12 weeks. Why is she ready at 8 weeks? Oh jeeze, now I have to research breeders. Shit! And I WANTED BECKY. She's goddam adorable. I am in mourning and I need adorable NOW.

Check flights to Oklahoma. Humm. Think perhaps a sensible person would look at breeders closer to them. Shit. Since when was I ever acussed of being sensible? Ugh. Since I'm about to turn 50, that's when. OK. Calm down. A kitty will come.

So I politely email said breeder that I appreciate her help, but I'm still uncertain about adopting a purebred vs. a shelter kitty. My main concern is how the kitty will get along with my two big dogs. ....so then she sends me the photo of Becky kitty with the dog. Oh, how unfair! How cruel and unjust and dirty! Oh, please let me be!

THis was last week. Centuries have passed since the kitty hunt last week.

TBC






http://www.mycathatesyou.com/cats

http://www.mycathatesyou.com/images/cats/2006/10/queen_nefertiti.jpg

Enough Cuteness!

What a refreshing change! Too many cute kitten sites. Makes me want to barf ( well not really, I actually adore them..but never mind that).



Mean kitty is some fun stuff.



Mean Kitty

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Homeless animals in the news

This breaks my heart



Fire Kills 15 Dogs, Destroys Home, Shelter - Local News

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naps and other wonders of health

I love the idea that we are now being told to takes naps, to drink wine , and to relax. All in the name of health. While I have never been much of a nap person, I am warming up to the idea, especially if the night before I had my prescribed wine! Ha, just kidding!


Some advice to take to heart -- take a nap - Yahoo! News

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Stop Junk Mail

http://www.smartmoney.com/dealoftheday/index.cfm?story=20070206&afl=myyahoo
pretty easy to do online

Nellie

My beautiful sweet kitty Nellie , died on Friday. She was 23 years old, had lived through at least three boyfriends, a new husband, and the consequent acquisition of two big dogs. Nellie was a New Yorker. She was born on the streets of the Bronx where I lived in 1984. I was on the waiting list for a kitten that spring and they were in short supply. My first choice was a tortoise hair girl, but I was second in line and got Nell. She came home with me in a cardboard box on the bus at just 8 weeks old.

Back in those youthful days she climbed the curtains, hid under the bedspread, made a break for it down the hall of the apartment building, slept in the sink and jumped in the refrigerator. She was a handful, a crazy character, and full of spit. I recall her racing wildly through the interior of my newly acquired Steinway grand, something that both startled and amazed me. I was too stunned to do much except watch in shock hoping she wouldn't do any permanent damage. During afternoon piano lessons she would sleep on my lap in a tiny purring fluff ball.

Turns out she spent years listening to kids learning to play the piano, but tended to prefer a bed or closet or hallway to being in the same room with us. She was always available for petting and the occasional snarl when an unknowing child would try to pick her up and snuggle. Wrong!
After she swatted me in the eyelid, I extracted her claw from my skin and decided that declawing was the only way I could keep her around children, such was her calico temperment and all. After the deed was done I regretted it for the rest of her life, not understanding beforehand what a mutilation it would be of her sweet white paws. I felt like such a traitor watching her suffer with the bloody bandages. She never walked the same way afterwards.

Over the years she slept on the bed every night between Scott and me, but eventually had trouble leaping up. We made a spot for her in the living room with a cozy handmade quilt which made her happy. If you weren't up at 7 or so, you would hear about it. She marched up the stairs and meowed in the hallway so loudly that multiple pillows couldn't drown the crying, and sometimes Scott would throw pillows at her to keep her in a lower decibel range.

Nellie and I spent almost half of my life together. I cherish my good fortune to have the gift of her company, her wit and her spunk. As she got older and slower, she waddled out to beg for tidbits amongst the dogs, usually keeping them in line with her demands. They were most certainly scared and respectful of her, giving her a wide berth except when the rare opportunity to sniff her up close presented itself only because her hearing and smell had deteriorated to the point where she wasn't aware of their proximity.

Nellie, you were my sweet baby and there will never be another girl like you in my life. Thank you my dear, and Godspeed my love.You will always be in my heart.

Masters athletes need to keep training high intensity

Infinit Nutrition ::::CREATE::DOMINATE::::

There are some good articles here, particularly Maintaining Peak Endurance Performance after 40 ( although I don't really care for their company motto...dominate? )

If you are too weak or old to clink on the link, these are the top ten tips from the article.

In reviewing the research on master athletes, the following recommendations can be made to help continue peak performance past the age of 40:
1. Continue a training routine that includes such high-intensity workouts as intervals, tempo runs, and hill training.
2. Engage in resistance training 2-3 times per week to help maintain lean body mass.
3. Attain energy balance to help maintain bone health and promote peak metabolic efficiency.
4. Ensure adequate calcium intake for strong bones by consuming 1,000-1,200 mg per day.
*Note: Menopausal runners not on hormone replacement may need 1,500 mg per day.
5. Continue to favor carbohydrates as the primary fuel source, consuming 3-5 grams per pound of body weight each day.
6. Follow protein guidelines (0.55-0.75 grams per pound of body weight) to aid in muscle recovery.
7. Consume a minimum of 10% of your total calories from fat yet don’t exceed 30%.
8. Follow a well-balanced meal plan using the Food Guide Pyramid to ensure adequate vitamin and mineral intake.
9. Consider taking a multi-vitamin and mineral supplement with antioxidants as a nutrition insurance agent.
10. Be more aware of hydration, consuming fluids even without feeling thirsty.

Neurological disease common, survey finds - Yahoo! News

Multiple sclerosis, Parkinson's disease and other neurological diseases may be far more common than most people had believed, according to new estimates published on Monday.

Baghdad ER

Not for the faint of heart. I am touched by the remarkable dedication and care of these ER workers. The soldiers being brought in look SOOOO young. This is the kind of documentary that all of our congressman who voted for the war need to see.Now.

www.hbo.com/docs/programs/baghdader/index.html

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Cwagner3

Link to my Stumbleupon page

Stumbleupon

So much fun! Try it!

My Babies, AKA Furry Bedhogs

Walter enjoys the freshly cleaned futon while we watch Six Feet Under video from the first season.
Ike is in our New Mexico field of snow, dreaming of bunnies...

Against Depression

What a moving piece of writing by Irish writer Dervala. She is profound and clear in her description of depression.

"Like rheumatoid arthritis, depression turns your own body against
itself. It chews not on your cartilage, but on your brain cells and
your sense of reality. It’s as seductive as a wife-beater, shutting out
other voices to turn itself into your only friend. The only one who
tells the truth about the bleakness of the world. All your energy goes
towards getting through whatever stands in your way—struggling,
slogging, pushing, through work and small talk and getting
food—whatever it is you have to get through until you can be alone
again with the voice who can be trusted.

And the last thing it feels like is an illness. No, this monumental,
world-swallowing suckage sits outside you: it comes from the project,
the job, the love affair, the city, the family, or the decade. For me,
these low cycles have always led me to abrupt life changes. It’s a kind
of shock therapy: uprooting jobs, careers, relationships, and
countries. Those shifts feed the craving for anonymity and reinvention,
and they leave behind the shame of a condition that breeds shame."

dervala.net

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this is hilarious

Stuff On My Cat: Stuff + Cats = Awesome

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Stuff that helps brain levels of dopamine

Rhodiola rosea - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Vitamin B6 - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

S-Adenosyl methionine - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The Analyst - Internet Health Report: Treatment: Glutamine

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Affluenza

Affluenza: Rampant consumerism erodes us - Yahoo! News

Affluenza: Rampant consumerism erodes us

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Brain chemistry

I've been reading 'Change your Brain' by Daniel Amen, friend of my P.A. She suggested that because I am addicted to coffee, I may be trying to stimulate my front cortex, like people with ADD, who have a temporal lobe problem. He says "If there are temporal lobe problems it is likely people will exhibit struggles with memory, mood stability, word finding and temper control. "

All very interesting. She said I need to increase my dopamine level to boost what I am trying to get from the coffee, stimulation. Dr.Amen has tests on his web site for various brain issues, but I don't fit in the ADD profile. Maybe the spacy, foggy symptoms.....but I forgot..;)

Not sure what to think but it's very intriguing.

Dense Breasts

OK, what I'm wondering is how one tells if they have 'dense breasts'. Not really sure. Turns out they are related to breast cancer rates in younger women. The reuters aticle

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070121/hl_nm/cancer_breast_density_dc_1
discusses this. Seems like sometimes women know things instinctively and it take doctors a few years to catch up. It's good to trust yourself first.

The problem with consumer culture

This fascinates me . As a person affected by consumerism and media, I am convinced that we are overwhelmed by choices. Too many choices does not make us happier, in fact it makes us feel like we have to try harder to make the "best " choice, therefore always sabotaging our possibility of feeling content with what we have and 'what is'. In my research on positive thinking and happiness, I read a remarkable book by Barry Schwartz called The Paradox of Choice .

I think he is absolutely right. It is a great discovery to find his work, because it voices what I have intuitively felt but couldn't articulate. Give it a look. Also, his superb address to the graduating class of Swarthmore College is absolutely brilliant . He distills these ideas to fine points and advice
( that was sadly lacking in MY University of Texas graduation ceremony).
Here's the link

http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/newsletter.aspx?id=46

Is it just me, or is this profound ?

Finding Happiness

Perhaps it is an indicator that our society is basically depressed and needs help. There is new research and apparently a Masters degree program in "positive psychology". After reading an intriguing article in the NY Times, I signed up for a study. Get some free happiness ...maybe...

Here's the link

http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/

Let me know how it goes.

Mindshock Transplanting memories

Transplanting Memories? considers whether it is possible that in receiving a transplanted organ, a patient could inherit some of their donor's memories and tastes as well.

The UK's first plus sized beauty contest

The fashion industry ignores thousands of ordinary women every day with it's marketing of the idea that skinny and unfed is normal and beautiful. One woman is determined to challenge these assumptions.

Dogster.com

My dogs are the best thing that ever happened to me. Really! Since I never had kids, I guess they are a close as I will get, but I think they are better than kids. No financial obligations, college tuition, drunken rampages, missed curfews...although Ike had caused my heart to skip on several occasions. When he was getting shot at in Taos for raiding a chicken coop, I tried to throw myself in front of the bullets. Literally.

That's love.

Ike and Walter are on Dogster.com
Check it out..

They're a lot of us out there

I just finished 'Three Dog Life' by Abigail Thomas.
It was a sad, contemplative look at her marriage to a man who had suffered a serious brain injury 4 years previously. She spoke in a familiar voice, like a friend who knows you well enough to share the dreary minutia of her day and is able to handle your honest compassion. She especially loved her three dogs who sleep with her at night, providing quiet companionship and stinky breath. It made me think a lot about aging and illness, and what we all face eventually; the loss of our strength physically and the silent echo of limited time.

It occurred to me that there must be an army of women on the cusp of 49 and 50 who feel the need to reflect, pause, and restart. Like the 100k rollover on a trusty, rugged and faithful car, we want to be certified for another 100k, but the driving conditions are riskier, and the driver's eyesight is less than 20/20.

How do we define who we are at 50 when we've always been"young"? If I was 'pretty' in my youth, what am I at 50 ? Handsome? Invisible?

If I am strong at 50 will that protect me from frailty, or do bones snap just a readily as you cycle into the headwinds? Can I rest a little more and not feel lazy and underachieving?

What matters now, what doesn't. Is there a place for me in the line up of credible witnesses? Will I become a fine roux, reduced by evaporation to distilled perfection?